The Dress Recycler on Street Patrol

Dec 09, 2010 by Dress Recycler

Fashion Violations in Brooklyn

As The Dress Recycler is saving the world from paying full price for clothes and accessories, little do people know that she has a double life as the Fashion Police of Brooklyn. She patrols the streets day after day, saving the city from bad fashion mistakes. It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.

What is considered a fashion violation? Let’s roll out the list of things that are common for first time offenders:

Women:
• Incorrect or ill fitting undergarments
• Clothes that are too large and baggy
• Sports gear during non-sporting events
• Overstuffed bag that is too large with wear and tear
• Clinging fabrics
• Unable to walk with confidence in high heels
• Visible panty lines
• Prints that are too large and unflattering
• Pajamas in public
• Bad Hair Accessories
• Out of date eyeglass frames
Men:
• Unruly facial hair
• Clothes that are too large and baggy
• Sports gear during non-sporting events
• Sandals
• Too large or ill fitting dress shirts
• Ties that are tied incorrect lengths
• Incorrect length of pants
• Stained clothing
• Too much jewelry
• Lack of an undershirt when necessary
• Mismatched belt and shoes
• Out of date eyeglass frames
It was a quiet, peaceful day in Brooklyn when all of a sudden, The Dress Recycler spotted a woman stumbling on the street in very high heeled shoes.

Sure enough, that’s a fashion violation. #1 High Heel Rule: If you’re going to talk the talk, you must walk the walk. If you’re uncomfortable in shoes that are too high, it shows. Just as well, it’s an accident waiting to happen. This is a fashion rule that cannot be overlooked and ignored. Justice must be served.

Oh no…..here’s some else who is having trouble in shoes that are too high! It’s never a good idea to wear super high shoes while you’re commuting.

Be careful wearing those high wedges! You can’t feel the ground as easily when you walk and it’s very common to overturn your ankle if you’re not careful. Switch to flats or slip-ons in between destinations to save you from feeling wobbly on uneven pavement. It also keeps down the wear and tear.

If heels are a must, make sure you have slip grips on the bottoms or wear a lower, thicker heel to get your stability and confidence back. These old things? She could run a marathon in these heels. Her confidence shows it!

The day’s not over yet…. I see a suspicious man wearing a dress shirt that is WAY too big.

“I’m sorry sir, but I’m going to have to issue you a Fashion Violation here.”

This is a common problem for men who can’t find shirts that fit properly.
When shopping for dress shirts keep these few helpful hints in mind:
1. Extra fabric adds extra pounds. If you feel uncomfortable in a shirt that is too form fitting, make sure there’s 1 to 2 extra inches in the chest and stomach. This will give you the extra room you need without going 3 sizes too big.
2. Make sure the shoulder seams do not fall off the end of your shoulder bone. If it does, it’s too large in the shoulder.
3. The length should hit the bottom of your right cheek when wearing a shirt untucked. If the length comes higher than that, you run the risk of it coming untucked throughout the day if you choose to ever wear it tucked in.
4. If you are a large person, choose smaller patterns or prints. Never wear a shirt without a button placket in the front. If gives you a longer, leaner look.
5. Choose a collar that frames your facial structure. A narrow face looks best in a wider spread. A larger, rounder face looks best in a regular or narrower collar.
6. For some, if you have a breast pocket, you’ll use it. Try a shirt without it. It’s a cleaner look.
7. ALWAYS use nice metal collar stays. It keeps your collar flat and straight. Don’t forget to remove them before cleaning!
8. Choose patterns that can transition from work to weekend.
9. Always launder and press, never dry clean. It keeps the cotton fibers looking newer, longer.

A perfect fit! Now that’s more like it. No fashion violations in sight here!

J
Being the Fashion Police is a 24 hour a day job. When I thought my day was done, I write another violation to a woman who had a serious panty line offense.

“I’m sorry to tell you, but you are committing a serious fashion violation, ma’am.” This woman clearly has on the wrong undergarments under this dress. Also, the fabric is too tight across the bottom, which makes her panty lines visible.

#1 Fashion Rule: TURN AROUND IN THE MIRROR BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE. Visible panty lines should never surface with the large variety of women’s undergarments in stores today. If you can see your panty lines, the fabric across your bottom is too tight.

“What in the world?” I said, as I studied the spotted wonder that crossed my path at a neighborhood store.

“No, it can’t be. I don’t believe my eyes!” PAJAMAS IN PUBLIC!

This woman was indeed wearing her pajamas while shopping and the best part? She got caught red handed. The only thing missing was her slippers! #1 Sleepwear Fashion Rule: Pajamas shouldn’t see the light of day outside of your home. Keep the pajamas for the bedroom. They aren’t flattering and make people wonder why you didn’t get dressed before you left your house. If you want to be comfortable, there are plenty of leggings and stylish sweats that are more acceptable for day wear. Pajamas never are. NEVER.

As The Dress Recycler hangs up her superhero outfit for the night, she can’t help but feel proud of how much she helped her community correct their fashion mistakes. We know the citizens of Brooklyn will be better dressed because of it!

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